ANGEL’S LAMENT POEM
Lament
Seasons Winter & Spring,
Angel’s Lament ~ Book of Revelations (poem)
Baptism (part 1)
Dear Heavenly Father,
He who is kind and merciful,
He who is feared and worshipped,
I see that this is my damnation
From Spring, I plummet
Angel of the mourning
May my fall be fatal, for the heretic in me hath fallen once again
This poisonous miasma condemns me once again
And my body crashes onto frozen floors
My fall is broken by the icy surface
I feel all my bones fragment,
Bloody marrow spills from the splintered vertebrae and sticks to the glassy mirror
Winter has come and has slighted the world
Into a white wake, and
Spring is taken from this Earth
How cathartic
How beautiful it is to witness winter’s divine comedy
A precious commodity
As I bear my punishment
My blood begins to pool
Lividity
Again, white embalms green
And white is painted red
Bloody floors begin to breathe, matching the slowing pace of my heart
Intricate red lacing crystallizes beneath me
And the searing heat of blood begins to freeze
These frozen floors, this frozen lake is my unearthing
My catacombs of disgrace
My crown of thorns
My halo
It rests within the gaping fracture of my skull
And plunges my mind and body deep into the gallows
While my spirit is made to witness
The rotting flora and greedy centipedes that riddled my head are now preserved in frosted casing
Set to continue their feast in the promise of another Spring
A promise to continue their scavenging
Like the committee of vultures that pick at my red skeleton til what remains is
Nothing
In the height of the clouds,
Morning begins to descend into nightfall
A darkened sky
An ocean of blue flutters above me
A kaleidoscope of butterflies pays their respects
Their misguided migration leads to their mourning over sinners
But I am no Abel, no saint
Spare me your mercy
For there are better angels, and the untainted and holy abstain
Spare me your mercy
For this cruelty by God is necessary
This is my purgatory
An unholy sacrament
Baptism
Spare me your mercy
The world has gone numb and silent
The blue butterflies prayed for me
Only to be picked to pieces, their wings plucked
Ripped and Tethered
And they, too, went silent
In my diary are written my Revelations
My fate that bleeds into the pages of my skin
Red ink tattoos my body with its sermon, leaving in its wake blistering heat
The humors of my body laugh
They rage as they cry
They pray when they scream
They reek of melancholy
I throw up black bile as the tumors on my flesh wallow dreadfully
Toxic phlegm clogs my throat as dark, thick blood spills from my cracked lips
In a kiss so intimate and deadly
Yellow bile plagues my insides
Writhing and Bubbling
Oozing
Eager to join the others in their destruction
These raptures decorate themselves as my stigmata
The brain fever renders me tired and still
There I lay
May this be my eternal burial, my oblivion
May this be my frozen crypt
As the chasm of my mind spills onto this frozen surface
Gaunt and rotten fingers circle my ankles
I feel their prints bruise my frostbitten skin
The bones begin to shift and shatter, and pulsating pain brings a severing amputation
And my ankle protrudes out of its socket,
My skin peels back against the bone
No longer shackled to muscles and joints
I am pulled beneath the depths, and water floods my lungs
The claws of the Evangelical tear at my broken wings
Manic hunger and bloodthirsty teeth break and bind, twist, and dislocate the tissue
There I lay
Devoured by my kin
Reddened feathers dance through the blackening water
The snap of my brittle glass bones in their teeth and the rushing blood down their lips leaves my body
Ravaged
My once pure white wings, now stained red, have been viciously torn from my frame
Mangled and Mutilated
The collapse of this lake mirrors my fall
And as I sink, the hierarchy of angels that once walked the Gardens of Eden is sent to deliver my penance
They are sent to eat away at what is left of me
Eclipsed by the tendrils of mellow ripples
The pallid sky above me is drowned by red, murky water
As I am taken by the depths, my eyes freeze shut
I may never see snowfall again
The water is so cold
My lungs flood as I am buried deeper and deeper
My breath is vanquished, soulless
It is so cold
Amen, for angels do fall.
An Angel’s Lament (part 2)
Dear Heavenly Father,
I find myself in an endless cycle of great sorrow.
Yet, you refuse me the gift of tears so that I may cry and release myself from your grievances
How woeful
I lament my stolen weepings
I mourn my extinguished fires
Flames you choose to water despite every dry and withered flower praying to be drowned
You sanction my every death,
My ever fall to every changing season, with each saddened at my return
I pray to you and I ask you
Why do you condemn me?
Father, He who art in Heaven,
I pray, and I ask
Why do you orphan me?
Strip me of salvation and bare my all to calamity
Why do you contend against me?
My kin cannibalize me over and over again
Consuming the meat of my muscles
Tearing the flesh from my bones
This will not be their last supper
Of which red marrow spills into the wet soil
Of which bone fragments are ground into dust
Of which pink tissue and red viscera are ripped from their cavities
All they leave of me is carnage
Staining the Earth and dyeing the skies
They will feed again
Dehiscent are the clouds of my body
To welcome a faceless new moon, bloodied like the silent red rivers and lakes I have crashed through
On its surface lingers my unanswered prayers
My unanswered questions
My unanswered laments
Heavenly Father,
I pray, and I ask
Why have you exorcised me in this way?
I am laid to rest at every interval of infinity
And my only solace is the warm soil that nurses my scars
The stigmatas you have given me
The Earth comforts my wavering faith in its empathy
It, too, is victim of God’s Wrath
Plagued with mortality that lasts eternally
A fall that never ceases to break
How could I worship a God that grants me no answers?
To love a Father who is absent in my rapture?
Is my fear all that you wanted?
You will never give me an answer.
My prayers will, again, go unheard.
God has cast me into the mire, and I have become
Nothing
I cry to you for forgiveness, but you do not answer me
I lay and I burn, and you only watch me
Heaven is congregated by nothing but teeth
Teeth that rip away all that I am, that I was
Vices of an angel will have you eaten
Yet, I felt more comfort in my sins than in the jaws of God
For it is He who will take the final bite of my reckoning
I understood my fate as punishment
Punishment for the sins I have committed
Sins, one day, you would exonerate
But instead, I am caught in the intricate webbing of Damnation
A forever prison
I am nothing but a hollow butterfly trapped in a devolving metamorphosis
Where I lose more and more of myself
Here, I am the rotted and withered roses you light ablaze
A grotesque bundle of ash and decay
A loss of beauty and naivety when hot wax burns into my flesh
Marring and Scarring once again
The countless winters and springs devour me time and time again
They taught me your hypocrisy
Mercy
And Cruelty
And I thought, I thought you may extend your grace to me
Bless me with forgiveness in the wake of my penance
But you refuse
You have become cruel in my eyes
No longer kind with the might of your hands, you persecute me
You relinquish onto me the ire of the storm
Devastated in the billowing thunder
Disfigured in the treacherous lightning
Rained upon by wicked omens
There is nothing but dark clouds pillaging with their cosmic horror
The only light pours from the unreachable, from the promised crucifixion that denies me of Eden
I am struck and cast out with every rebirth
Judged til my execution
Confined in death’s cyclicality
My pitiful reverie is obstructed by the unrelenting reality that you are my undoing.
Like the bad fallen star, I forever die in infamy
An Apocalypse of Heaven
Revelations of Faith
A holy war between my reverence and my fear
This Last Testament reveals the oppressive sanctimony in your holy city
A falsity in your doctrine
My worth is tested in blood, the token price to pay for my disposability
What a formidable end to my elegy in the chokehold of your “infinite goodness”
Heavenly Father, I ask, and I pray
Is this the God I have truly been praying to all this time?
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